Little Background and First Poem Here

Osrybb
Nu Guardian

Posts: 15

Little Background and First Poem Here Apr 27, 2014 1:25:43 GMT

Quote

Post by Osrybb on Apr 27, 2014 1:25:43 GMT

Before I start putting some of my poetry here, I will say this. I've been writing poetry for a whole year longer than I've been Role Playing, which has been about eight years now. That means I've been working on poetry for nine. I write about a lot, and I have a more original style of writing poetry, too. I don't follow a lot of guidelines that most people do. Here's the first one. Feedback appreciated.

Usurpation
It's time to usurp the throne,

slay the king,

with inches of steel in his gut

let's see what tune he will sing!

One cry for mercy,

one for treason,

and a cry to summon the guards.

In this game of war

I was dealt a better hand of cards.

In this game of chess I've wiped clean your board,

I've obliterated your defense.

All you could do was helplessly watch

as I was the ringleader of these events.

What happened to your queen;

what happened to your heir?

Look upon their lifeless bodies,

their souls are no longer there.

Look at the blood staining their cloth,

the life force spilled onto their attire.

This should be reason enough for you to retire.

Abdicate your lordship,

toss aside your ill-gained rule.

Does it vex you to know

you underestimated this so-called "fool"?

You pushed me far past belligerence,

exasperation meets not what I feel.

There will be no waking up from this,

this is what's real.

"No, you don't understand. I destroy them. I make it impossible for them to ever hurt me again. I grind them and grind them until they don't exist."

Genkaku Nu Guardian Posts: 5	Little Background and First Poem Here May 1, 2014 6:31:36 GMT Osrybb likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Genkaku on May 1, 2014 6:31:36 GMT Your time put in shows. I like the flow all the way through and the emotion of it. Great piece, hope to see more.
	"You see, but you do not observe. The distinction is clear."

Sol
Administrator

A thinking man's thinking man

Posts: 118

Little Background and First Poem Here May 1, 2014 7:04:39 GMT

Quote

Post by Sol on May 1, 2014 7:04:39 GMT

The prose here are beautiful, the language lucid, the flow like a stream. What's more is a lot of abstract poets fancy themselves original crafters of unthought beauty, but it tends to be seam-full(as apposed to seamless lol) and it lacks any story in exchange for random rants about the universe most of the time. In this, I see story, and I may even see the progression of a character watching from the sidelines. I may be wrong, but that is why I love this piece.

On another note, I can tell this is raw passion as opposed to practiced determination. While I won't say that is a bad thing, technique is always a must in any profession. I'd say learn to train yourself to accept the rules of writing a bit better. They are not there to limit you, my friend.

Nu-Guardia

Little Background and First Poem Here

Post by Osrybb on Apr 27, 2014 1:25:43 GMT

Post by Genkaku on May 1, 2014 6:31:36 GMT

Post by Sol on May 1, 2014 7:04:39 GMT

Quick Reply